GRIEF

--> When someone experiences a loss, they go through a normal process called grieving. Grieving is a natural and expected process which, over time, can allow a person to

accept and understand their loss. Grieving involves feeling many different emotions over a period of time, all of which eventually help the person to come to terms with the loss of a loved one.
Bereavement and mourning are two other words that are commonly used to describe the grieving process. Bereavement is what a person experiences when someone close to them dies. It is the state of having suffered a loss. Mourning is the expression of one's loss and grief. Mourning includes behaviors and rituals that are specific to each person's culture and religion
-->Phases of Grief --> Many people think of grief as a single instance or very short period of pain or sadness in reaction to a loss - for example, the tears shed at a loved one's funeral. However, the term grieving refers to the entire emotional process of coping with a loss. Normal grieving allows us eventually to let a loved one go and continue with our lives in a healthy way. Though grieving is painful, it is important that those who have suffered a loss be allowed to express their grief, and that they be supported throughout the process. Each person's way of grieving for a loved one will be different. The length and intensity of the emotions people experience will also vary from person to person.
It is normal for people to feel better for a period of time, only to become sad again soon afterward. Sometimes, people wonder how long the grieving process will last for them, and when they can expect to experience some relief. Although there is no one answer to this question, it may help to know some of the factors that can contribute to the intensity and length of grieving. The kind of relationship you had with the person who died, the circumstances of their death, and your own life experiences will all play a part in determining your individual grieving process.
Researchers have studied grief to better understand the ways that people work through a loss and eventually accept it. They have identified several phases, or emotional states, that people can experience while grieving. The first phase involves a period of shock or numbness. This phase is often followed by a period of emotional upheaval, which can involve feelings of anger, loneliness, disbelief, or denial. The final phase of grief is the one in which people find some way to come to terms with the loss.
The First Phase of Grief
Often, people's initial reaction to a loss is one of shock, disbelief, and numbness, which can last anywhere from a few hours to days or weeks. During this time, the bereaved may feel emotionally "shut off" from the world. However, their numbness may be disturbed by waves of distress from time to time. During these periods of distress, which are often triggered by reminders of the deceased, they may feel agitated or weak, cry, engage in aimless activities, or become preoccupied with thoughts or images of the deceased.
The rituals of mourning - receiving friends, preparing for the funeral, and burial - often structure this time for people. They are seldom left alone. Sometimes the sense of numbness persists, leaving the person feeling as though they are mechanically going through the rituals.
The Second Phase of Grief
At some point the reality of the loss becomes painfully apparent, and the numbness wears off. This phase of grief, sometimes called confrontation, is when the feelings of loss are most intense and painful. It is during this phase that one must confront the loss and cope with the changes it has brought about in their lives.
People have many different ways of confronting loss, so this time can involve many different, equally intense emotions. This time of grief, with its characteristic waves of distress and difficulty concentrating and functioning, can last for weeks to months. The length of time can vary greatly.
You or Your Loved Ones May See Some or All of the Following in a Person Who is Grieving:

• Withdraws socially
• Has difficulty concentrating
• Becomes restless and anxious at times
• Has little appetite
• Carries a sad appearance
• Has a depressed mood
• Dreams of the deceased (may even have hallucinations of hearing or seeing the deceased)
• Loses weight
• Has difficulty sleeping
• Experiences fatigue or weakness
• Becomes preoccupied with death or events surrounding death
• Searches for reasons for the loss (sometimes with irrational results)
• Dwells on mistakes, real or imagined, that he or she made with the deceased
• Feels somehow guilty for the loss
• Feels distant from others
• Expresses anger or envy at seeing others united with loved ones

It is often during this time that a grieving person needs the most emotional support. Finding sources of support, whether they are family members, friends, support groups, or community organizations, can be the key to a person's eventual recovery and acceptance of the loss.
The Third Phase of Grief
The first two phases of grief are designed to help people come to terms with the loss in some way. Usually, one comes to accept a loss gradually over the months that follow it. Like the first and second phases, acceptance does not happen overnight. It is not uncommon for it to take as long as a year or more for someone to resolve the emotional and life changes that result from the death of a loved one. Although the intensity of the loss may lessen, it is common for people to continue to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years after their death.
-->Loss After A Long-Term Illness -->Grief is experienced somewhat differently when the loss occurs after a long-term illness rather than suddenly. When someone is terminally ill, their loved ones often grieve in anticipation of the loss. This anticipatory grief is a normal response, and it helps to prepare them for the actual loss. Usually, the period just before the person's death is one of physical and emotional preparation for those close to them. During this time, the urge to withdraw oneself emotionally from the person who is ill is normal. For most people, the actual death brings about the beginning of the normal grieving process. Many people believe they will feel prepared for the loss when it is expected. However, when the death actually occurs, it can still be a shock and bring about unexpected feelings of sadness and loss. -->Major Depression and Complicated Grief --> It is common for people to experience sadness, pain, anger, bouts of crying, and a depressed mood after the death of a loved one. It is important to learn to distinguish these normal grief responses from clinical depression, as grief can lead to clinical depression. About 20% of bereaved people will develop major depression, a condition requiring medical intervention. People at particular risk for developing clinical depression include those who have a history of depression or alcohol abuse, an inadequate support system, or those who have other significant life stresses.
Symptoms of Major Depression Not Explained by the Normal Bereavement Process may Include:

• Continual thoughts of worthlessness or hopelessness
• Continual thoughts of death or thoughts of suicide
• Persistent inability to perform day-to-day activities successfully
• Delusions (beliefs that are not true)
• Excessive or uncontrolled crying
• Slowed physical responses and reactions
• Extreme weight loss

In some people, the grieving process can go on for a long period of time. This is most often caused by attempts to deny or get away from the pain or to avoid letting go. If normal mourning does not occur, or if the mourning continues for a long period of time without any progress toward resolution, it is called unresolved or complicated grief.
Symptoms of this may include:

• Continued disbelief in the death of the loved one
• Inability to accept the death
• Persistent flashbacks, nightmares, intrusive memories
• Magnified and prolonged grief symptoms
• Maintenance of a fantasy relationship with the deceased with feelings that he/she is always present and watching
• Continuous yearning and searching for the deceased
• Breaking off all ties to social contact

If any of the above symptoms of major depression or complicated grief occur, they should be discussed with a qualified health or mental health professional.
(adapted from American Cancer Society)